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The First Day Is Over…

June 13, 2010

I have learned and grown a lot in the last twenty four hours. And surprisingly enough I am far better off with the whole situation than I was. I have come to some sort of terms with how to deal with how I feel. It is going to be something that will stay with me for the rest of my life. There isn’t anything that i will be able to do to change that. I will have to work my way through it all for the time being and be prepared to face the unannounced crashing of the waves as the years wan on.

I have learned that it is OK for me to feel the way that i do. That no one on this earth can tell me how I should or should not feel. That I can feel exactly the way that i feel. I can mourn the three years that we had together. That it is OK for me to do. I can cry for the loss if and when I need to and not feel guilty. I cry and mourn the past, not todays life.

It is ok to do the what if thing so long as I dont burden myself with any guilt over it. I would not have been able to change anything. Nothing would have changed the final outcome. I cant blame myself for what is. What is is what was meant to be.

As the days go on I will find myself stuck with many feelings. I will find my heart tested in a way that it has never seen. It will be rough at times and smooth sailing for others. I just have to remember to own up to those feelings and not to deny them their right to see the light of day. I will take each day as it comes and it will be alright in the end.

One Comment leave one →
  1. June 14, 2010 5:49 pm

    Hey hun, I am so glad that you’ve posted this one… I was worried after your last post how things were going. You’ve pretty much put what I wanted to say to you – that at a time like this, there is no specific way you should be feeling except for that which feels most honest to you. You’d moved on from him and made a life for yourself with out him, but that doesn’t stop him from being a very important part of your past – one that helped to make you who you are today. And you can’t hold back your feelings to protect anyone else, you have to let yourself feel everything and anything that you need to right now. I’m so happy you know this too, feeling like you’re able to express everything you want to without any boundries will help you so much.

    If you need to talk, I’m here. Take care :]
    xxx

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