The First Day Is Over…

I have learned and grown a lot in the last twenty four hours. And surprisingly enough I am far better off with the whole situation than I was. I have come to some sort of terms with how to deal with how I feel. It is going to be something that will stay with me for the rest of my life. There isn’t anything that i will be able to do to change that. I will have to work my way through it all for the time being and be prepared to face the unannounced crashing of the waves as the years wan on.

I have learned that it is OK for me to feel the way that i do. That no one on this earth can tell me how I should or should not feel. That I can feel exactly the way that i feel. I can mourn the three years that we had together. That it is OK for me to do. I can cry for the loss if and when I need to and not feel guilty. I cry and mourn the past, not todays life.

It is ok to do the what if thing so long as I dont burden myself with any guilt over it. I would not have been able to change anything. Nothing would have changed the final outcome. I cant blame myself for what is. What is is what was meant to be.

As the days go on I will find myself stuck with many feelings. I will find my heart tested in a way that it has never seen. It will be rough at times and smooth sailing for others. I just have to remember to own up to those feelings and not to deny them their right to see the light of day. I will take each day as it comes and it will be alright in the end.

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