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The Final Chapter Ends…

June 21, 2010

I started this sitting on the bus on my way to the funeral today. Nerves were shot. Stomach was rolling and my eyes just wanted to close. I didn’t want to be there. Not at this point in my life. I know it is not something I had a choice on but that does precious little to change the way that I was feeling.

It is not like I never expected that this sort of thing would happen. Its not that at all. It is more the fact that I didn’t expect it to happen at this juncture of my life. I thought I would be much older than I am right now. I thought I would have more time to grow as a person before I had to face this. I thought I would be better equipped to handle this sort of thing. Sadly I am finding out that there is no way for me to ever be better equipped for this sort of thing.

It is what it is.

Now there are more than a few things I have learned over the last few days that I am going to share about myself. Things that up until now I did not want to admit to myself much less any one else. So here goes.

I once loved a man named Michael. It was a young love. A free love. One that I gave with my heart and my soul. For that moment in time there was nothing more than that in my life. For that moment I wanted nothing more. All was perfect in that moment.

Time changed me. I grew as a woman, and I came to realize that it wasnt the thing that I was looking for in life. And that it would never be the sort of thing that i wanted out of life. And certainly not the sort of thing I wanted to raise a family around.

And I moved on.

As the years waned on I found what it was I needed in my life and have settled myself into a happy secure life. One that I wouldnt miss out on for the world.

Today I said goodbye to that part of my life. It will forever be in me as it was part of the lesson of my life. I learned so much from that time in my life. Things that now help me to be a better mother, wife, daughter, friend and over all a better woman. I will never forget those three years of my life, but I know in my heart I have come to certain level of peace with it all as I close the door on my day and write the end of that chapter in my life.

Rest in Peace, Michael.

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