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Heavy Heart

January 30, 2012

By the time you read this I will be driving to the vets. I have to take my cat in for surgery today. My heart has been heavy since I got the news. I have spent the weekend going through the motions of what has to be accomplished around the house and napping when I get the chance. Sunday was the worst though.  I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck on top of the already heavy thoughts running through my heart.

Smokie has cancer. Mammary cancer to be more exact.

The tumor she has right now has to be removed.  Immediately. We can only pray that it has not spread elsewhere to other parts of her body. But I can tell you that the fear running through my heart is preparing me for the worst. Mammary cancer in cats is a nasty piece of work.

I cannot say that her and I havent had a great run at life together. We have. Ten whole years and some. I have known her for all of her life except the first three weeks.  When I met her she had just lost her mother so I stepped in and rescued her and her brother. She was a pocket sized ball of fluff when I brought her home. And was the most endearing little thing. She would wrap herself around my neck to sleep at night until she got too big, now she sleeps at the top of my head.  She just wanted a mom and I filled that void. To this day she still treats me like a kitten would her mom and suckles on my hand to sleep at night.

That my dear friends is what makes this so dammed hard. She believes in me to make it right for her and I have to trust in me to do the right thing for her. Some out there would think I am crazy to be so upset over a cat. But those are the people I have to feel the most sorry for. They do not know the unconditional love of a pet. For there is no other kind of love like it in the world. Ask any pet owner. Our pets put their lives in our hands and trust us to do the best for them and in return they shower us with bucket loads of love.  Simple equation.

So today I do the best I can for my loyal friend. I put my fear aside and smile through it for the kids. They know Im scared just like they are but we are doing all that we can.

I just reread this post and realize just how disjointed my sentences are. I guess in a way that should say just how my thoughts are at the moment.

I will make it through the day just as I have every other day. And no matter how crappy I feel right now I know that the day/week/month/year will end just as it has to.

Pray for us.

Until tomorrow…

One Comment leave one →
  1. January 30, 2012 8:04 am

    I have tears. I am so hoping everything turns out well for Smokie, that they get everything, that there isn’t anymore to be found, that she recovers quickly and is back to her old self in no time. I totally get how you feel, I’ve had my furball since kittenhood as well, she’s 16 now and recently, almost once a week, I’ll give her a special snuggle with tears cause I know we don’t have much time left. 4 years at most, which I’ve had people say is a long time, but after having her in my life for 16… 4 years is but a blink. I’ve been through a major surgery with her and I had the same feelings… Wiping away tears and sending you huge hugs.

    Let me know this evening how she’s doing. It’s going to be a long day for you for sure, though being at work will at least help keep your mind busy at times. ((((Allison)))))

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