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So another day has come and gone…

June 14, 2010

And I find myself a little better than yesterday. I did have a few moments when it was a little rough. No denying it. However I was at work so that helped me put things in perspective and keep going. A lot of my problem is finding the words I will need later on in years to put the thoughts in my head right.

But that is something i will have to deal with another day. Today is not that day.

Something though has been nagging at the back of my mind. And I am not sure just how to deal with it. Many people have offered to accompany me the day of the funeral. Its great to have friends and family ready to stand watch over me as I go through it all on that day. But my problem is at this moment I am not sure I want someone with me. Thats not to say that I will go alone, this is just how I feel at the moment.

So yes I am a touch bit nuts I will admit. It is a crazy and absurd notion I will have to admit as well. But at this moment in my journey I am not sure I want anyone there with me. It is a part of my life I walked away from eight years ago. No one who is in my life now, save for my family, was anywhere near my life back then.
Friends will understand to a point where I came from, but at the same time, I was a different person back then. Not the person I am today.

And as for my family, I do not want to burden them with this. They know of course but I dont want them to feel obligated to hold my hand through all this.

I know I know, family is never a burden. I get that part, loud and clear Uncle.

But there is also a part of me that wants to be alone in this. That needs my private moment to do as I must to close the book on that chapter of my life.

I dont know. Personally i think I am crazy nuts. But those are my thoughts of the day. Tomorrow will be another day and we shall see where that takes me.

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